Kyrre's Entries - 31.12.2003

Short on time

This day is an example for what I have to change in 2004. I went to bed at 3am, got up at 11am and have no time to take of most items on my to-do list because in one hour my friends will come and we go to see the RotK. Afterward I am at my friend's home 'til after midnight. Darn.

That means I have much to do on the first day of the new year. Among others to type down my New Year Resolutions. One prominent resolution is to return to a more 'normal' daily routine.

Mood: embarrassed

Goodbye, old year!

Last year I said "I don't consider you a waste, you were character building after all, but you will understand that I don't want a repeat." Why did I think life would become easier?

The Good:

Jobwise I have much learnt and have grown. I took things on and accomplished them I wouldn't had thought me able to one year ago. I didn't screw up any projects. I think my worth on the job market has risen. I got a salary rise. The last quarter wasn't also without problems but I recovered and felt better.

That's it.

The Bad:

The job, having several projects to manage at the same time, drove me to edge of breakdown. I still can't separate work from my private life. I suffered from stress so much that I was always close to tears during the first five months of the year and got sick during the summer. The stomach problems and then the days with fever I experienced then made me afraid and I have lost trust in my health.

I made a big fuck-up in my private life. Despite solving the crisis and making the right decision the whole matter haunts me and will probably continue so.

I still haven't reached any balance between work and private life. There was no improvement whatsoever. There wasn't usually no energy left after work and at the weekends. I made progress with my conlang. But writing itself amounts to nearly zero. It was hard work to keep journaling and I wasn't nearly so consistent like the year before. I wonder if I should give up on this. No more suffering and beating mself up because I didn't write. On the other hand, I still have dreams and ideas that want out!

I neglected the gym. I think the last time I went there was in Februar. Something was always more important. That has to change! I have felt the degress in health.

Actually it seems as if 2003 was a repeat of 2002. Especially regarding what is important to me personally. I have crossed the thirty. I need to sort this out.

Mood: morose