I look back at the entries of the last two weeks and - if there were any - they paint a dark picture of my current emotional state. Now that I have found time to relax and bring the journal up to date I should try to correct the impression somewhat.
I'm excited about the projects. They are something I have waited for all the year, a serious and interesting challenge. Nothing went wrong yet, I'm even a bit ahead of the timetable. I'm learning about project management. I have the support of my boss and every other member of my team. Both projects are not only important for our department, but also for me personally.
Both projects are not only important for our department, but also for me personally. Yes, that's both good and bad. Bad, because I put myself under big pressure because of that. I don't want to screw it up. I worry constantly if I can keep the timetable. I wanted such a project to prove myself but two at the same time seem a bit much of a good thing. And because of that I can't do everything myself. That means that I have to coordinate activities with another software developer. I have the responsibility and I haven't done something like that before. Of course, I worry. And these worries exhaust me more than the slight overtime I'm doing. I can't take my mind off from worrying when I go home. Sometimes it is even worse then because I'm not actually doing something. That's the real problem.
There is still only one week before my vacation. I have a big milestone for the first project on Friday, the 13th *ouch* and then a planning meeting for the second one on the Monday that should have been my first day of the vacation. I shouldn't feel too sorry for myself because the person I will meet sacrificed his first vacation day too. No other day fitted into the schedule.
Then I have nearly three weeks to recover and relax (Relax during the Christmas holidays? I don't know.) before the real hectic times begin. Actually I will busy with these projects at least until the end of March. The projects cold lead to more contracts but I hope the second quarter will be less stressful. Why have I the impression the first quarter will be a make or break for me?
I still have to finish some work for tomorrow. I might have the time to do it tomorrow but I believe in Murphy's Law. So I feel better if it gets done today.