I look back at the entries of the last two weeks and - if there were any - they paint a dark picture of my current emotional state. Now that I have found time to relax and bring the journal up to date I should try to correct the impression somewhat.
Pro:
I'm excited about the projects. They are something I have waited for all the year, a serious and interesting challenge. Nothing went wrong yet, I'm even a bit ahead of the timetable. I'm learning about project management. I have the support of my boss and every other member of my team. Both projects are not only important for our department, but also for me personally.
Contra:
Both projects are not only important for our department, but also for me personally. Yes, that's both good and bad. Bad, because I put myself under big pressure because of that. I don't want to screw it up. I worry constantly if I can keep the timetable. I wanted such a project to prove myself but two at the same time seem a bit much of a good thing. And because of that I can't do everything myself. That means that I have to coordinate activities with another software developer. I have the responsibility and I haven't done something like that before. Of course, I worry. And these worries exhaust me more than the slight overtime I'm doing. I can't take my mind off from worrying when I go home. Sometimes it is even worse then because I'm not actually doing something. That's the real problem.
The outlook:
There is still only one week before my vacation. I have a big milestone for the first project on Friday, the 13th *ouch* and then a planning meeting for the second one on the Monday that should have been my first day of the vacation. I shouldn't feel too sorry for myself because the person I will meet sacrificed his first vacation day too. No other day fitted into the schedule.
Then I have nearly three weeks to recover and relax (Relax during the Christmas holidays? I don't know.) before the real hectic times begin. Actually I will busy with these projects at least until the end of March. The projects cold lead to more contracts but I hope the second quarter will be less stressful. Why have I the impression the first quarter will be a make or break for me?
Today:
I still have to finish some work for tomorrow. I might have the time to do it tomorrow but I believe in Murphy's Law. So I feel better if it gets done today.
