Kyrre (kyrre) wrote,

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A new start?

The first of four free days. I had so much hope for it. Time to finally do something for myself than just crawling home exhausted after work. Well, so much for wishes.

Maybe it was the general weariness, maybe the not so good news regarding vacation opportunities - I didn't feel well. I tried writing and nothing came out of it. I could not focus, the computer fan was too loud, my mind blank. My inability to write drove me into more than one crying fit. Such a rare free day and I wasted the precious time.

Rationally seen, I know that I need time to just get distance to the project stress. To make the brain free for more creative activities. Emotionally, I am doubting that I get ever time for my hobbies again if I can not learn to use every free hour. To leave work behind when I leave the office and just write.

I wanted to make the start of May also a begin of returning to journaling and writing. But now I feel thwarted and despair.

I have - still - ideas. I want to shape them into stories and write them down. But I am failing, again, again and so I am increasingly doubting myself. Maybe it is just a crazy idea that I could be a writer. Maybe I should give it up, focus on the work and let everything else be. But I can't. Not yet. I will try one more time.

Actually it was jmtorres who gave me this idea. Write every day a little snippet beginning today. It must not be a whole scene or even something coherent. Just a little snippet, be it fiction, fanfiction, worldbuilding, character interview. One line or ten. It doesn't matter. Just something to keep my muse from losing interest completely.

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